Top 10 signs you're a fantasy football addict
Roger Rotter / FOXSports.com Posted: 2 days ago
Getting married has remedied many of my bad habits, such as eating with my mouth open, letting laundry pile on the floor and failing to put items back in the refrigerator after I've made myself a sandwich and have retired to the couch for an afternoon of TV.
Thankfully, my wife knew that "in sickness and in health" also means that my addiction to fantasy football may never be cured.
Still, there's much to be said for being responsible, though not just with your fantasy football team. Based upon my experience and hearsay, here are 10 signs that will let you know if you are a fantasy football addict. That can be good or bad, depending on your point of view!
Top 10 signs you're a fantasy football addict
10. You check your fantasy team's box score while the rest of the family opens holiday gifts.
There's nothing wrong with checking your fantasy team's performance in the fantasy title game. Just make sure it doesn't coincide with opening holiday gifts together with family. But is it mere coincidence that the fantasy championships arrive at the same time as the winter holidays? Or is this a test by league executives and TV programming gurus to see where your faith truly lies?
Yet there's much to celebrate if you win titles and put championship rings on your fingers. It's a wonderful feeling when you check the box score at midnight on Christmas Eve and your team has defeated your most despised rival. Good cheer to all! Who cares about gifts, right?
9. You'd rather watch a Thanksgiving Day blowout instead of feasting at the dinner table.
Though you live out of town hundreds of miles away from your parents, you cannot pull yourself away from the TV and avoid watching Detroit get thumped 49-0 by Denver late in the fourth quarter. Who needs to give thanks at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day when you can thank the Lord for creating fantasy football after your player scores three touchdowns in a game? Hey, touchdowns still count for fantasy in lopsided games.
8. You miss work for one straight week using the excuse that the DirectTV installer never showed up so you can study up on the weekend's big draft.
It's imperative that you have to watch 1,536 hours of football to stay atop of your fantasy league and expertly switch channels at every break in the action without missing a play.
And you'll do anything to make sure you know every statistical detail about each fantasy football player, including their red-zone conversion rate in trip-right formations, to gain an edge on your league foes.
7. You arrive an hour late at a date with a hottie because you were picking up players on the waiver wire.
She's gone and so are your chances of scoring with a future lingerie model. But you secured the player who will land you a championship. Thank you, Kurt Warner, Larry Johnson and Maurice Jones-Drew.
6. You're the best man at your friend's wedding and you remember to take your cell phone to consummate a trade, but not the ring, on the morning of the wedding.
You never know when the frantic owner who wants to unload a star after one bad week for three mediocre players will change his mind.
5. While your wife is busy preparing for a romantic night out on your Paris honeymoon, you sneak away to check your fantasy team in the hotel lobby. (This really did happen. ... What can I say? I'm an addict, too!).
Remember, due diligence is what keeps a fantasy marriage going!
4. You list your fantasy football league entry fee as a tax deduction for work-related expenses.
Yes, those 50 man hours you spend per week on the work computer come in handy!
3. The $100 US Savings Bond that was supposed to go to a nephew was spent on a fantasy football entrance fee.
You know you'll win the league and then split the earnings later ... or maybe 10 years later.
2. You spend more time studying for your fantasy football game than your college final history exams.
Twenty years later, will I remember which bills Congress passed in 1904 or that I won at fantasy football in 2005?
And finally, here's the No. 1 sign that you're a fantasy football addict:
1. Your biggest fantasy involves a trophy, and it's not found in the Playboy Mansion.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
George Carlin's 'Baseball and Football'
Baseball and Football
by George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
by George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
R.A.D. could save your life
RAD stands for Rape Aggression Defense. RAD is a nationally recognized, 12-hour program
designed to teach realistic self-defense techniques to women age 14 and up! Classes are offered by the following:
In Broward:
Coral Springs Police Department
Free
Call Officer Karla Hines
954-346-1227
Broward Sheriff's Office, Cooper City
$25
Call Linda Victor
954-435-2000
Once you graduate RAD, you can retake the course as many times as you want, anywhere, for free.
Delray Beach Police Department
New class begins Sept. 5, 6-9 p.m.
Free
Call Sgt. Adam Rosenthal
561-239-2828
Florida Atlantic University Police Department
New class begins Aug. 29th, 6-10 p.m.
$10 FAU students, $20 alumni and $30
general public
Call Sgt. Tammy DiGrazia
561-297-4229
In Miami-Dade:
University of Miami - offered through the Dept, of Public Safety Contact person: Betty Helms, radsofla@bellsouth.net or 954-655-7587 / John Pepper 305-284-6666
Barry University - contact person Ed Londono, elondono@mail.barry.edu or
305-899-3063
Coral Gables Police Department - Community Affairs Unit, contact person used to be "Trish" 305-460-5401
Aventura Police Department - Contact Person Olga Burns, bttrfly0165@bellsouth.net or 305-466-8900
designed to teach realistic self-defense techniques to women age 14 and up! Classes are offered by the following:
In Broward:
Coral Springs Police Department
Free
Call Officer Karla Hines
954-346-1227
Broward Sheriff's Office, Cooper City
$25
Call Linda Victor
954-435-2000
Once you graduate RAD, you can retake the course as many times as you want, anywhere, for free.
Delray Beach Police Department
New class begins Sept. 5, 6-9 p.m.
Free
Call Sgt. Adam Rosenthal
561-239-2828
Florida Atlantic University Police Department
New class begins Aug. 29th, 6-10 p.m.
$10 FAU students, $20 alumni and $30
general public
Call Sgt. Tammy DiGrazia
561-297-4229
In Miami-Dade:
University of Miami - offered through the Dept, of Public Safety Contact person: Betty Helms, radsofla@bellsouth.net or 954-655-7587 / John Pepper 305-284-6666
Barry University - contact person Ed Londono, elondono@mail.barry.edu or
305-899-3063
Coral Gables Police Department - Community Affairs Unit, contact person used to be "Trish" 305-460-5401
Aventura Police Department - Contact Person Olga Burns, bttrfly0165@bellsouth.net or 305-466-8900
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Help Victims of Hurricane Dean
Food For The Poor rushes aid to the Caribbean
Coconut Creek, Fla. (August 21, 2007) -
Food For The Poor, the largest international relief organization working in the Caribbean, is responding to the needs for assistance in the islands battered by Hurricane Dean. Nine people have been killed, and thousands have been left homeless. Damage in Jamaica, where the 145-mph hurricane passed just to the south, includes collapsed buildings, flooding, landslides, and impassable roads.
Food For The Poor staff members are assessing the damage across Jamaica and have encountered many downed power lines and trees blocking the roads. Staff members have successfully reached Portland Cottage, which sustained the worst damage.
Susan James, a Food For The Poor staff member on site in Jamaica, said current reports show that Portland Cottage, which suffered the closest brush with Hurricane Dean, is “worse than after Hurricane Ivan, and Ivan was terrible. The water level was higher than in Hurricane Ivan and three-quarters of the village is gone.
Shipments of 120 containers of relief supplies are en route to St. Lucia, Dominica, Haiti, the Dominican Republic and Jamaica. Supplies will be distributed through Food For The Poor’s extensive network of churches, hospitals, schools and orphanages. Food For The Poor’s centrally-located warehouse facilities in Spanish Town will serve as the staging point for relief operations in Jamaica.
According to Robin Mahfood, President of Food For The Poor, “Roofs were ripped off homes. The poor have lost all their belongings, and people fled for their lives. This hurricane has affected many of the countries we serve. So many countries are in dire need of emergency supplies.”
In order to ship and distribute 5.5 million pounds of water, food, blankets, lumber, roofing materials, generators, kerosene lanterns and other emergency supplies, Food For The Poor needs to raise $2 million. Additionally, new housing and housing repair materials have become an immediate priority. Food For The Poor is able to construct new homes for a cost of $2,600 per house.
To assist with the work of Food For The Poor, visit the Web site at www.foodforthepoor.org or call 800-487-1158. Food For The Poor, the third-largest international relief and development organization in the nation and the largest charity in Florida, does much more than simply feed the millions of hungry poor in 16 countries of the Caribbean and Latin America. Since 1982, we have provided clean water, medicines, educational materials, homes, support for orphans and the aged, skills training and emergency relief, with more than 96% of all donations going directly to programs that help the poor.
Coconut Creek, Fla. (August 21, 2007) -
Food For The Poor, the largest international relief organization working in the Caribbean, is responding to the needs for assistance in the islands battered by Hurricane Dean. Nine people have been killed, and thousands have been left homeless. Damage in Jamaica, where the 145-mph hurricane passed just to the south, includes collapsed buildings, flooding, landslides, and impassable roads.
Food For The Poor staff members are assessing the damage across Jamaica and have encountered many downed power lines and trees blocking the roads. Staff members have successfully reached Portland Cottage, which sustained the worst damage.
Susan James, a Food For The Poor staff member on site in Jamaica, said current reports show that Portland Cottage, which suffered the closest brush with Hurricane Dean, is “worse than after Hurricane Ivan, and Ivan was terrible. The water level was higher than in Hurricane Ivan and three-quarters of the village is gone.
Shipments of 120 containers of relief supplies are en route to St. Lucia, Dominica, Haiti, the Dominican Republic and Jamaica. Supplies will be distributed through Food For The Poor’s extensive network of churches, hospitals, schools and orphanages. Food For The Poor’s centrally-located warehouse facilities in Spanish Town will serve as the staging point for relief operations in Jamaica.
According to Robin Mahfood, President of Food For The Poor, “Roofs were ripped off homes. The poor have lost all their belongings, and people fled for their lives. This hurricane has affected many of the countries we serve. So many countries are in dire need of emergency supplies.”
In order to ship and distribute 5.5 million pounds of water, food, blankets, lumber, roofing materials, generators, kerosene lanterns and other emergency supplies, Food For The Poor needs to raise $2 million. Additionally, new housing and housing repair materials have become an immediate priority. Food For The Poor is able to construct new homes for a cost of $2,600 per house.
To assist with the work of Food For The Poor, visit the Web site at www.foodforthepoor.org or call 800-487-1158. Food For The Poor, the third-largest international relief and development organization in the nation and the largest charity in Florida, does much more than simply feed the millions of hungry poor in 16 countries of the Caribbean and Latin America. Since 1982, we have provided clean water, medicines, educational materials, homes, support for orphans and the aged, skills training and emergency relief, with more than 96% of all donations going directly to programs that help the poor.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Water Restrictions still in effect
We are still under water restrictions in South Florida. For Monroe, Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties, we're in a modified Phase II & III. Regional water supplies are still low, so conserve as much water as you can.
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